I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
