Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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