so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
