But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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