The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
