Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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