and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
