Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
