My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
