she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
