I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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