Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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