mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
