I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize