the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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