shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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