Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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