Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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