she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
