I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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