we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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