Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
