so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
