Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
