the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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