What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
