I need to stop coming to work sober
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
