are you still at the devil's house?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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