I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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