I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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