I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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