I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
