I think my vagina is haunted
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
