Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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