He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
