I looked at my own cervix.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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