we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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