Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
