we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
