i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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