words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
