the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
They are going to name an STD after you.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You were trust falling into bushes
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
