bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
