Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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