There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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