Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
