a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
