it wasn't lemon gatorade
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
