We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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