Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
