dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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