Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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