She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
