there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
