i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
