cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize