he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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