No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
