I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize