ya dads aren't the best wingmen
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
