people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
