You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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