whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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