perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
