My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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