I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
cat food counts as protein by the way
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Randomize
