Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
