When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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