erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
