I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize