Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
