he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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