i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
