i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
