New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
