My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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