Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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