He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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