my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
