she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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