awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
