stop calling my apartment porn island.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
