she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
did i just pee glitter
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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