if you like me you must not know who I am
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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