so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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