I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
