I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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