If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
