im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
