paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
