Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
