I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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