dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
