Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
