It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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