He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
