his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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