how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
