Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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