WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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